Continuing in the series on marriage, I want to discuss an area that is probably the single most important area that the devil does not want you to know because once you know this and once you understand this there no stopping you as a combined force for God. And the devil is fully aware of this which is why he has done everything he can to prevent us from knowing what I am about to share. So get ready to learn something that will not only strengthen your marriage, but will allow you to give the devil a black eye and send him packing back to hell.

To begin with, you have to understand the concept of the two becoming one flesh and the illustration that I shared a couple of posts ago regarding the two cans of paint (black and white) becoming one (God mixing them into gray). This illustration will play an important part in understanding what I am about to share.

Let us start out with a Scripture.

This verse is most often used in counseling when one spouse is withholding sex from the other in order to control the marriage and this is a very applicable way to use this verse. However, God enlightened me to a greater depth of this verse one day when I was praying for a couple in desperate need. What God did was begin to ask me a series of questions and they were as follows. First God said, “When I join two people are they not one?” And of course, I answered yes. Then he said, “And if they are one, then this verse is a natural extension of being one flesh correct?” And again I said yes. And then God hit me with the one that really opened my eyes, “Then if you can pray and resist the devil in your flesh and you are one flesh with your spouse and have authority over your spouse’s flesh can you not pray and resist the enemy for your spouse?” And that is when I hit my knees because I realized that I was not doing that for my wife. I was not taking authority over her body and spirit and commanding the enemy leave her as I should because as her spouse and mixed into one flesh, one can of gray paint, I have the same ability and authority to pray over her that I do over my own life. In other words, I, just like I can pray for deliverance, healing, restoration, wisdom and even salvation in my own flesh and spirit, can pray the same things over my wife. This is why the Bible says the following:

The reason that this is possible goes back to the concept of one flesh and the illustration of the one can of gray paint. Remember that God, when he joins two people together, does not just knit them or mesh them, but mixes them like white and black paint until there is only one can of gray paint. Because of this, there is only one spirit and therefore when one spouse prays, they pray over the whole can with the same authority that they had to pray over the individual black or white cans before they were married.

Think about this. As a husband, I have the God given right, and the expectation, to pray over my wife and rebuke the enemy and his plans and schemes. In fact, Jesus told us the following:

We have authority to bind up the enemy on earth and Jesus will bind him in heaven for us. That means that if we see something in our spouse that the enemy is doing to tear them down, we can pray with authority, God given authority, over them to bind the enemy off of them and send him back to hell where God sent him to begin with. And we have the confidence that Jesus will bind him in the heavens and remove him from the situation. Therefore, if our spouse is dealing with drugs, alcohol, smoking, affair, work situation, money issues, or anything else that the enemy is throwing at them, we can pray with the power and authority that God has given us as we have been mixed into the one can of paint and bind the enemy and his plans off of our spouse and see the devil have to flee.

While that is totally awesome, the really cool part comes when the husband and wife are in agreement about something they are praying for because the rest of the verses quoted above guarantee that whatever we ask for as two united in prayer and agree on Jesus will give us. Think about that the next time the enemy tells you that praying with your spouse is not necessary or unimportant because he knows all too well that if he can keep the two of you praying then he can keep the power from flowing. Yes, you will still be able to pray him off of your spouse, but that is not near as devastating to him as a holy ghost filled bible believing song singing Jesus loving devil chasing couple uniting in praying to agree about God’s will. That absolutely terrifies him and he does everything to stop that.

God wants everyone who is married to know that they have great power and authority to pray for their spouse that God has given them. It is the same power and the same authority they would have over their own body and spirit that God extends to their spouse when he mixes the two of them into one flesh, one can of gray paint, at the wedding ceremony. From that point on, there is no power in hell and no weapon that can be formed against (Isaiah 54:17) either spouse that the other does not have the authority to pray off in Jesus name. And when the enemy has been defeated and the couple has been restored and reconciled to the fullness of God’s plan for their lives, then God calls them into his service to pray as a united couple where he will grant them whatever they agree on because it advances God’s will on this planet and terrifies the devil. Don’t waste one more moment not praying for your spouse with power and authority. If they have fallen into any type of trap of the enemy take charge and authority and command the devil to flee in Jesus name (James 4:7) and remember when you pray that you are one flesh and that when you submit to God it is the same as if you both submit and the devil must go.

And if you happen to be separated and even if your spouse has found a new lover, as long as a divorce has not been granted you still have that authority because you are still that one can of gray paint. You can pray the devil off of your spouse and pray that the blinders that the enemy has placed on their eyes be removed and that God shows them the truth of how much they truly love you and how much God has them connected back to you. Then when the enemy is not in the picture and God is reigning in the situation, it becomes a whole lot easier for them to see the truth. It is still possible for them to choose to call the devil back and reenter into sin, but at least you are doing your part. And always remember that no matter what it looks like in the natural prayer Moves Mountains and do not give up hope.

I hope this invigorates you to pray with new found power and authority for your spouse and take back what the enemy is trying to steal from all of us. Next time, I will share about communication and how important it is to a marriage.

Love in Christ.

The Marriage Series (so far):

• Part 1 : Marriages – Introduction

• Part 2 : Marriages – Two Shall Become One Flesh

• Part 3 : Marriages – The Role of a Lifetime

Continuing in the series on marriage, I want to talk about probably the most misunderstood and abused area of Scripture and that is the concept of the roles of each spouse within the marriage. This particular topic has caused more strife than just about any other single topic with the exception of money in a Christian marriage and the simple reason is because of not understanding what God meant and the enemy being quick to twist, lie and deceive. So, I am going to help to set the record straight on exactly what is expected of each and every role so that your marriage can operate within the will and blessings of God.

To begin with, let us look at the Scriptures that talk about the roles of the husband and the wife.

You will notice that I started quoting from verse 21 which states that we are to be subject to one another in the fear or reverence of Jesus Christ. I did that on purpose because it is very important to realize that the word subject, which also means to serve and to yield to one’s authority, is not a bad word but a good word and a word that can and does contain blessings. When we subject and submit to God and yield to his authority, we are blessed. It is not a bad thing and God does not lord it over us. This is important because God and Jesus is our model.

That brings me to the husband, which I am. God tells the husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church and also to love them as he loves himself. This is very important because with Jesus as our model and the head of the church, we should look to him to see how we are to love our wives. Jesus loved the church by serving the church. The perfect picture of this is when he washed the disciples feet at the last supper. They saw him as lord and didn’t understand what he was doing. Take a look:

Notice how Jesus washed their feet and then asked them if they understood what he was doing. He did this because they knew him as lord and master and having total authority over them. Whatever he would have asked of them, they would have done and did do after Pentecost when they each served him with their lives. But he tells them here that as he washed their feet, as he served them, that they should do the same and serve others. In other words, Jesus was telling them that the most important role of their lord and head of the church was to serve the church and not act as some high and mighty king even though that is what he deserved. And then he told them to do the same because a servant is not greater than his master and the one who is sent is not greater than the one who sent him. He also said that if you do this, that is to serve the church, you will be blessed.

This is the example of how Jesus was head of the church and how Jesus served the church. When God tells the husband to love his wife like Jesus loved the church, he is telling husbands to be a servant to his wife and see to her needs. He is telling the husband to provide for her and to make sure that he has never lorded over her his position as Jesus never lorded over anyone who he was. God even goes further to say that husbands should love their wives as they love their own self because people have a great love for themselves even if they don’t admit it. This is why, as the Bible points out, people eat and nourish and even cherish their own self and God says the husband should love his wife in the same way.

With this in mind and it is important to have this in mind, God tells the wife to be subject or submitting or serving to their husband. There is basically two things that God has as instruction for the wife that is rolled up in the concept of subjecting. The first is the same as the husband in that they are to serve the husband. The reason is because Jesus is their role model as well and they are called to serve just like the husband is. The main difference between a husband and a wife is that the wife is also called to yield to the husband’s authority. This one goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden and the fall of man when God told Eve, and all woman, that their husbands would rule over them.

In the Garden, God was the only head and there was no further need for a line of command, so to speak, because God came and walked with them in the cool of the day (Genesis 3:8). After the fall, God no longer walked that closely with mankind and we needed to have more structure because a two headed anything is a freak. So, God transferred his headship over everything to Jesus and then down to the husband over the family. This is why the wife is called to be subject or yielding to the husband’s authority. However, if the husband is acting like Jesus, as God called him to be, then this will not be a problem. Think about this for a moment. If the husband is loving on his wife and serving his wife in every aspect of their marriage would it not inspire the wife to want to serve the husband back? I believe so. And when it is time for a decision to be made, the husband, if he is wise, will seek the good counsel of his wife and they should talk about it. The difference will come in the end when God will hold the husband accountable for the decisions that are made.

My wife and I had a bit of a time learning this. I had read that the wife had to submit and I wanted her to submit by golly and she was not. The reason was because I was not serving her and loving her. I was lording over her what I thought was my God given right and I was very much in the wrong. So, my wife called our spiritual father, Tom, over to help explain what the truth was. I can remember what Tom said. I told him that the Bible says that my wife is to submit and she better submit. He told me that maybe I should read a little farther. When I did, he explained what God had in mind. Well, I did get the idea, but one fight some time later had us really mixing it up with words and I turned to her and said, “You are supposed to submit.” My wife is a quick as a whip and sharper than a sword and replied to me without hesitating, “Well, God says you are supposed to love me like Christ loved the church and Jesus died for the church so drop dead.” Well, that just got me laughing and totally broke our mood and we were eventually able to talk out our argument. But I can still remember her telling me that. Thank God for good wives.

Now, the most important thing to learn is that both spouses are to serve one another just like Jesus served the disciples and if you do that and do it with cheer and sincerity then there will be a great mutual love that will naturally flow between you that will be an outpouring of what God writes on your heart. Yes, the husband is the head of the household and God will hold him responsible for all decisions of the home. But any good leader will always take advantage of all good counsel available and what better counsel than that of his loving wife who as the Bible says is a crown (Proverbs 12:4) and a good thing (Proverbs 18:22). This is why good solid communications is the key to any good marriage. And when you are in this balance that God has defined then God richly blesses you.

I hope that this has helped to clear up what has been a stumbling block for many. Next time we will discuss the authority of the spouse to pray. Probably one of the most important topics of the series. So stay tuned.

Love in Christ.

The Marriage Series (so far):

• Part 1 : Marriages – Introduction

• Part 2 : Marriages – Two Shall Become One Flesh

Continuing in the series on marriage, I want to talk about a much misunderstood topic from the Bible concerning the concept of marriage. And that topic is the notion of “One Flesh,” or more precisely, what is meant when God says that he takes two people and makes one out of them when they are married. This comes from the following scripture.

And then Jesus added to this when questioned on the subject of divorce.

We can see from these passages that God takes marriage very serious. So much to the point that God says that when he marries someone he joins them together so that they are one flesh and not two and therefore he warns let no one separate what he has put together. What does he mean when he says this? I heard a preacher once state that when God puts us together he knits us together like a giant afghan in that he takes a blue thread and a red thread and intertwines the two together to make one beautiful garment. While that is a beautiful picture, I find a fault in this picture in that you can unravel the object that was knit together and have two separate pieces of yarn again. Anyone who has been through a divorce, especially if children are involved, will tell you that unraveling the marriage and becoming totally separated and two complete individuals again is impossible because there is some kind of connection that exists between the two who were married. Often this connection is attributed to the existence of children that were in the marriage. But I think there is something deeper there.

I asked God once what he meant when he said that he joined to people together into one flesh and he gave me an illustration that I believe answers the problem above and shows why God is so strongly against divorce. He showed me two buckets of paint. One bucket was of white paint and the second one was of black paint. Then I saw the two buckets being mixed together into a new bucket of paint that was gray. God said, “This is what I mean when I join two into one flesh.” You see when you mix black and white and get gray you get a single (one) new creation out of what previous (two) existed. There is no longer white or black, only gray. When two people get married, God mixes their spirits into one gray can of paint so that spiritually they are one person because God has joined them together. Now, the problem that occurs when one wants to get a divorce is that you can no longer get black out of gray because it has been fully mixed into becoming a new thing which is gray. Likewise you can not take out white out of the gray anymore. Therefore, when a divorce occurs, half of the can of paint leaves and not just the black, but a mix of the black and the white. This is why Jesus warned the following:

If we were separate strands of threads that could easily be pulled apart out of a garment then separating, divorcing and marrying another should not in any way be adultery. However, if we are joined into one gray can of paint so that it is impossible to pull out black or white and then divorce, which means take half of the can of gray paint and leave, then we are taking part of our spouse with us because you can not separate the colors out of the gray. If that be true, then if we try to remarry, we are still joined spiritually to our former wife and thus would be committing adultery in God’s eyes who sees both the spiritual and the physical. This, I believe, is the perfect picture of what God does when he marries to people and joins them together and why God warns not to divorce and why God sees remarriage as adultery.

What then are we to do in this society if we run into trouble within our marriage? To begin with, you need to seek good counsel. Be weary of any who would advise that you leave your marriage with the exception of abuse because God does not desire that you suffer any abuse. Pray that God would help your situation and heal your marriage. Seek the Lord, because he is the one that can heal anything that has gone wrong. It does not matter how far gone or lost you feel your marriage has become, it can be saved. Allow me to share about my marriage.

The year was 1998 and we had been married for seven years at the time. I was going to college and my wife was working hard at night at UPS loading trucks because only UPS offered benefits at part time hours. Our days were long and the same. I would get up and be at college by 7am. My wife would get up with our two daughters (at the time that was all we had, we are now blessed with three children) and watch them until about 4pm when she took them to the babysitters. I would leave school about 6pm and pick the girls up from the babysitters and bring them home. I would watch them until 8pm and which point they would go to bed. A quick straighten of the house and then I was doing homework until the late hours of the night. My wife would arrive home some time after midnight. Sunday was spent doing church all day with a break for lunch and Saturday we spend running errands that could be run and fighting because of tension over money mostly. Stress was high and money was tight and there was only so much of everything to go around and we lived like this for literally months. Finally, my wife was pregnant for a child we lost and as we lost the child our Christian doctor told us to go home and confess to each other. What a word from a doctor. Well that confession session both nearly destroyed and eventually saved our marriage because our marriage had been rocked by an affair and it was eating at the heart of everything but as a hidden underbelly just the way the enemy likes it. When this confession came out, well, it seemed like all hell broke loose in our marriage. My wife had begun packing and said she was going to her mom’s and wanted a divorce. I told her no, but I honestly was not sure I wanted her to stay. In the coming weeks, things got so bad that the original elders who were helping us told us that there was no way to reconcile and get a divorce. Imagine for a moment that the church elders you went to for help were telling you that there was no hope and to give up. We went to the Pastor and told him where we were and he recommended another couple in our church. While leery, we went. By this time, I had my speech down as to why I hated my wife and everyone else should too, it is amazing she stayed through that. Gary and Gina sat us down and asked us what was going on. I got maybe a sentence or two into my speech when Gary interrupted me and asked, “How is your walk with Christ?” Before I even knew what I was saying the following words came out of my mouth, “What does that have to do with anything?” And that was the heart of the problem. From there, they were able to bring us back to Christianity 101 and then build us up from ground and a solid foundation and now our marriage is stronger than we ever thought it could be.

I share this testimony to let you know that no matter what you may be facing and however dark and bleak it may seem God can heal your marriage if you let him. In our situation, we were hurting and the hurt began long before the affair and because of that we suffered, we both suffered because remember we are one can of gray paint and if communication is not working than instead of God’s design working where when one is down the other can lift them up, you wind up bringing the other down. But God healed all of that. We were right there perhaps moments from filing papers and God brought us back and he can bring you back also. He can heal you and restore the joy to your can of paint again. He can restore hope back into your marriage and your life because God is love and love hopes. Love bears all, love believes all, love endures all, love hopes all and love never ever fails (1 Corinthians 13:7-8). Focus on God and his love will fill you and your marriage and restore hope again and he will heal what was broken because God loves to heal the broken hearted.

I hope this illustration about how God joins two together has helped you. Next post we will discuss the roles of each spouse and how they are to interact together in a Godly marriage. There is a lot of misconception in this area and everyone needs to know the truth. So stay tuned.

Love in Christ

The Marriage Series (so far):

• Part 1 : Marriages – Introduction

There has been great confusion sown into our world about what happens when two people are married because our enemy, the devil and the father of lies (John 8:44), has done everything possible to sow that confusion. This is because he knows just how powerful a married couple on fire for God can be. This is why ever since the Garden of Eden he has sought to destroy not only God’s creation but the institution of marriage. With this in mind, I thought I would share over the next several posts some concepts on marriage and what it means from a Biblical perspective.

To begin with, God created the concept of marriage all the way back in the Garden of Eden when after creating Adam he looked at him and said, “there was not found a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:20) God decided at that moment to create Eve and presented her to Adam and he was overjoyed. It was at this moment that God said, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24) From that moment to now, men and women have been doing just that leaving their parents and entering into the sacred bonds of holy matrimony and if the story ended there all would be right with the world and with the marriages that people were entering into. But that is not where the story ended.

Satan, who had been expelled from heaven because he rebelled against God, entered the garden and deceived the happy couple by first convincing Eve to eat of the forbidden fruit and then she convinced Adam.

Now, I know that the above passage says that Adam was with her and I am sure that he was, but later when God rebukes them for having eaten of the fruit. He said the following:

As you can see, God clearly says to Adam that his mistake was that he listened to his wife. In addition men, thanks to Adam we have to work hard for our wages. Apparently, from what we read in the text, the ground was not cursed and it did not take toiling to bring forth what was needed to survive. However, after the fall of man, God punished men by cursing the ground so that we have work hard and toil all day long and all the days of our lives to receive our sustenance and our wages.

Another interesting note is that as punishment to women, for Eve’s mistake, God says that your husband will rule over you. By this, God meant that the husband would be the one that God would set in charge or as head of the household and expect that to be so and if it was not so then God would declare that house out of order and not be able to bless it. And all of this was because of Eve’s mistake in being deceived and brought that punishment upon all women. So all the women who have desired to be the head of household have Eve to blame for the fact that God will not allow it.

But as you can see, the devil was quick to come in and make a wreck of what God created. After his little visit to the garden, the ground was cursed, men have to work hard, women have great pain in childbirth, the husband has to be the head of the household and responsible for providing before God even if the “modern” woman does not see it that way and we were permanently expelled from God’s garden as a race. And don’t think for one moment that Adam and Eve didn’t have a fight about that somewhere down the line. Just think about that for one moment. Eve made a mistake and then Adam followed suit. Neither were in the right and both were equally wrong, but when God came back to find them what was the first thing Adam did? Did he own up to his mistake? Did he do the chivalrous thing and protect his wife? No, instead he said the following, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate.” (Genesis 3:12) Adam immediately ratted her out and tried to toss her under the proverbial bus in the hopes that would somehow lessen his punishment just like a little child caught with his hand in the cookie jar would do. And I am sure that came up at some point after they left the garden.

Humanity expelled and the marriage of the first human couple strained and you might think that was enough to make the devil happy, but no. He kept at it and we read his further exploits throughout the Bible. We see King David, who was already married, take another man’s wife in his bed and manages to get her pregnant. Instead of coming clean and telling the truth, he has the man, who was one of his best soldiers, sent to the front lines so that he would die. Talk about a slam dunk for the devil.

And he continues his attacks on marriages even today. Our divorce rate is the highest ever and it is just as bad inside the church as it is outside the church. There is no excuse for that because we are supposed to the city set on a hill for all to see. But if the city is a garbage dump and a rumble heap, who would want to come and find out why we are what we are? This is the plan of the enemy. If he can take down God’s basic unit, the married couple that he first instituted in the garden, than he takes out happy parents and destroys children and makes a mess of lives left and right. And God’s heart breaks.

God designed marriage for a specific purpose and that was so that two can became one could strengthen each other and support each other and lift each other up to new and greater heights until the one couple was so strong and so secure and so solid in Christ that they could take on the world for him. Following out of that couple would then be the blessing of children whom God would set of fire with a passion and thirst for him that will ignite the world in a blaze of glory to God and set the captives free. God desires to bless the couple beyond belief as they keep their focus on him. This is God’s will and plan for marriages.

If your marriage is experiencing trouble don’t give up don’t let go. Hang in there and pray and see how God will move to empower your marriage with strength from on high. I know that the easy way out is to walk away, but after 18 years of marriage I can tell you that there is a whole lot more joy waiting for you if you work it out than there is if you walk out on it.

Coming up on the next post, I am going to go in depth on the topic of two becoming one. What did God mean when he said that he joins together people in marriage. Stay tuned because I really believe that this series is going to impact and touch people and help to raise up a set of marriages that the enemy can not touch and God can empower.

Love in Christ.

As I have continued to listen to the Bible on CD (Word of Promise), I heard the following passage.

Once when I was praying for a friend whose daughter had gotten a boyfriend and up and was moving to California, God told me that when a mother prays for her children it moves his heart with a “Tenacious Fervor” for what the mother is praying for.  I told that mother and it invigorated her to pray for her daughter who did leave for California, but some months later returned and their relationship was restored and to God be the glory.  On my church prayer line, I have told many mothers this testimony and it has helped many and will continue to help many.

However, I never really understood why or where in Scripture there would be a basis for this until I heard this passage played out in the audio drama on the CD.  And then it hit me like a ton of bricks.  Jesus was walking and this mother came to him who was not of Jewish descent, but was in desparate need for her daughter to be delievered.  In fact, the Bible says that she “Kept asking him to cast out the demon.”  In other words, she was very persistent.  One might say that she had a tenacious fervor for her daughter to be healed.  And I think that is the key.  A father loves their children and would gladly give their life for them.  But a mother has a heart for their children and will beseech the Lord with a tenacious fervor to see whatever is wrong fix and correct and delivered and healed and redeemed and restored in their life.  And when God sees that kind of love and faith and devotion, just like Jesus did in the Syrophoenician mother, God’s heart is moved with the same tenacious fervor to go after the children and give the mother whatever she has asked for.  To put it simply, the great faith of the mother in God and deep love for her children moves God in a way that no other person or force on earth can move God to touch the children and save, deliver, heal, redeem and restore them.

If you have a child that is not where they should be pray for them especially if you are a mother because you will move the heart of God with a “Tenacious Fervor” to go after and restore your children.

I have been listening to the Bible on CD (The Word of Promise CD set) and I recently heard the following Scripture.

And I was struck by Jesus’ last instruction to his closest disciples before being arrested.  He said to both watch and pray not just watch or just pray, but to do both.  And that if you fail at doing both you might fall into temptation because our flesh is weak.  That got me to thinking and praying about why Jesus exhorted the disciples to both watch and pray.  What was the significance?  And I think I have some insight on this.

The Bible tells us to be sober and on alert because our adversary wanders around like a roaring lion seeking whom he can devour (1 Peter 5:8).  One of the reasons that we need to be watching when we pray is that our enemy is ever present attempting to take our eyes off of Jesus and we must keep our focus on Jesus.  For Peter, James and John, Jesus wanted them to keep watching him pray to his father about the coming torture he would receive and the glorious resurrection to come.  He wanted them to know that Jesus was aware of the events and that it was God’s will for them to happen and that Jesus was praying for them to have strength.  But when they fell asleep instead, they missed that and instead were thrown in chaos and confusion when Jesus was arrested and crucified because they were not watching and lost their focus on Jesus and fell into the temptations of the enemy to fear and lose hope.  Peter even went fishing (John 21:3).  But from this failing, they learned to keep their focus on Jesus and watch him and pray in all things and this is how they were able to achieve the great things for God.

We can do the same today if we watch and pray.  Keeping our focus on Jesus will allow us to see the things of God and have the power to achieve the will of God.  We will see the spiritual and know what God wants us to do about what we see.  For example, I was praying for someone on Saturday and I saw in the spirit that a man who was praying with me had not the gifts of the Holy Spirit within him.  I could see the lack and knew that this was something God wanted to change.  Sunday during service God showed me a vision for the man and I shared this vision and the man received the baptism of the Holy Spirit.  This had nothing to do with me other than I was a willing servant and was watching and praying.  God did the rest and to his glory there is now another mighty warrior for God that will be storming the gates of hell with his prayer language.

As you go about your day, think and mediate on the fact that God wants us to watch and pray.  Pray in the spirit and focus on Jesus and see what God will show you.  Be sure to be watching and God will do the rest.