Continuing in the series on marriage, I want to focus on a very important topic and that is the topic of change. Change comes in many forms from the concept of compromising with your spouse over one of the many decisions before you to life changes that alter you for the rest of your life like children or a disability to the ever changing face of your marriage itself. No matter what the specific situation change is inevitable and therefore one we must learn how to handle and face together.

This passage is all about change because it informs us that there is a season for everything. In your marriage, there is a season to court and a season to wed. There is a season to focus on your relationship and a season to have children. There is a season to be young and a season to grow old. Effectively, this passage is telling us that our marriages and our lives are wrapped around the concept that we walk through different seasons and must learn how to change for each season we are in. Just like the way you act when you are tearing something down (v3) is not the same way you act when you are building something up or else you will never be able to achieve each. In your marriage, you must learn how to move with the tides and the changes that come and be open to these changes. Some changes are good like having children, dating and growing old together. Some changes are not often good like losing your job, having bad health and suffering loss within the family. But all of these are seasons that we need to walk through and when you are married you need to walk through together.

In a typical relationship cycle, you will meet somewhere and begin to date until one day something changes and you discover that this is the one person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. That day may be the first day you laid eyes on your spouse to be or it may be many days down the road, but there is a moment in time that everything changes and this person that you are sharing your time with is no longer a friend or a person that you are hanging out with but the one that you are seeking to marry. You pop the question or the question is popped to you and then the wedding is planned (assuming you say yes). The joyous day with all of its pomp and circumstance comes and then bang, everything changes again. As mentioned in an earlier post (see Two Shall Become One Flesh), you are no longer two but one and now you have to discover what that means and how to fit into this new life and how to communicate and survive the jungles and traps of this world. But the beauty of marriage is that you don’t ever have to do it alone because you have your spouse to help you along with God. Then one day, everything changes again when you suddenly discover that a child will soon be arriving. You are nervous and excited, terrified and overjoyed and full of more emotions and love than you ever thought possible. In fact, you discover that even though you did not think it was possible to love any more than you already did, suddenly you have a whole new source of love coming from deep within you for this child while somehow growing your love for your spouse. The day your bouncing bundle of joy arrives you could not be happier and the pain is soon a distant memory. Everyone ohs and ahs at the new child when they see you, but you are left with the amazing responsibility of having to raise this life into adulthood and you realize that life that you once had was gone and everything has changed. But this is not bad and all is not for loss as you discover the amazing feelings you have playing with this new little life that thinks you are not only the center of the universe but the coolest thing since sliced bread, if it was to know what sliced bread was. Over the years they grow and as they move from stage to stage, your life changes from feeding them to helping them walk to disciplining to helping with homework to becoming more of a resource for wisdom and coaching in their later teen years. And depending on your family sizes, you might have gone through that multiple times. Suddenly one day you wake up and discover that all of the children have moved out and it is just you and your spouse all over again. Sure you can visit any time, but at home when the business of the day wears off, it is just you and your soul mate looking back at each other again.

A new day had begun and new changes happened illustrating the simple fact that all throughout your life you are constantly dealing with change. And none of the changes I listed above dealt with changes in technology, economy, jobs and other events that cause families to have to make decisions that are many times well outside of what they had originally planned for. My point being is that we must be flexible and willing to alter plans, adapt to new ideas and concepts, compromise in certain areas when necessary all with the common goal of what is best for your marriage keeping in mind that the center of your marriage is God then the couple.

On that note, let us take a look at a familiar piece of Scripture.

As odd as this may sound, we must understand that God does not change. He is the same yesterday, today and forever and the reason that this is important is because we must understand that while our situations may come as a surprise to us it does not come as a surprise to God. He knew about it long before we did and his Word still applies. Too many people have this impression that God is somehow finding out things when we are as if God is sitting on his throne biting his nails wondering what will happen next. Nothing is further from the truth. God knows all things and has a plan for us and more importantly has set in place His Word which does not ever change (Psalm 119:89). He did this so that we could always have an anchor in the midst of any storm to hold on to and trust in. He also did this so that no matter what we could invoke His Word and expect Him to not only adhere to it but to move heaven and earth in order to ensure that it comes to pass. This is why the Bible tells us that God watches over his Word.

While God is not changing, we do. Things both inside and outside of our control are constantly in motion about us to cause things to change. In some cases, we have control over these changes. For example, one of the spouses gets offered a job in another state that would require a move and the couple sits down and decides together whether or not this is what is best for the family. This decision may involve a compromise of some kind. One of the spouses may have to compromise living near family in favor of this new job and new life in the new state for the family. Whatever the decision, changes in their life that in this case were within their control caused them to be in a position to make a life altering decision that would change the way that they live. Some changes are outside of our control. For example, one of the spouses becomes handicapped due to an injury at work or a car accident and they are no longer able to work causing, perhaps, the loss of a home.

It was June of 2000 when I received a call from a close friend of mine that I had not seen in a couple of years. To be honest, given my situation, I am not even certain how he got my phone number, but he found it and gave me a call. I was living at the time in mid-state New York about thirty miles outside of Albany near my wife’s family. However, I was having a very hard time finding a job because there was just not much need for an engineer in that area. My friend was telling me about the Dallas-Fort Worth, Texas area in which he and his wife had recently moved because it was teeming with jobs. I was reluctant to move my family so far away from my wife’s family but my wife suggested that we had nothing to lose by opening my resume up to anywhere in the entire United States. Within twenty-four hours, I received something like forty calls most of which were for the Texas area all wanting to interview me. It was becoming obvious that my best chance for a job was not in New York, but in Texas. So, we borrowed some money and began a trip to Texas. While the trip was costing us more than we expected, we hit a major problem in Tennessee. Our thermostat went and we had to get it replaced. For the first time in my life, I think I was entertained by angels because to find a service station was almost impossible. But we finally got directions that literally included leaving the pavement and continuing on a dirt road. Sure enough a little ma and pa service type station was out in the middle of nowhere on this little dirt road. As the man serviced our car, the lady of the station talked to us and heard our story. We were there for several hours and only paid about $90 which both my wife and I knew was way too little for all the work that was done. On top of that, the car never ran so good as it did when they were done with it. I truly believe we were in the presence of angels at that moment. When we returned to the highway, we did a quick recount and discovered that we had enough to get to Texas and enough to return home to the children, but not both. I already had interviews lined up for when I arrived so we decided that there was nothing for us going backwards (except the kids of course) and went on to Texas. It was several days later that I interviewed for Motorola, because it was Fourth of July weekend. Within less than twenty-four hours of the interview, I received and accepted an offer, was in touch with the relocation division and was moved to corporate housing while arrangements were being made for us to return and get our children and stuff. God moved quickly and mightily once I opened myself to change.

When God does something, it is very often far above and more abundant and beyond what we could think or ask for which is why it is important to be open to whatever changes that God would want to bring your way.

Life altering changes do not always come in the form of jobs and easy decisions. My wife and I were told that we would never have children. Our doctor at the time decided that even though it was basically impossible, we would try anyway. After months of doing the charting and temperatures and headaches of not seeing any change, my wife finally got pregnant (see Hearing do you Understand). We were excited and that is when it hit us, were we ready for a child? We had spent so much time trying to get pregnant that we did not consider if we were ready for one. I have learned that no matter how much you read and how much time you spend around other babies; nothing can prepare you for when your little bundle of joy arrives. I can remember the day after in the hospital. Somehow I had this impression that life would halt almost as if it had taken in a deep breath and was holding it for a moment while I acclimated myself to this new little child. But it didn’t. In fact, life moved on whether I was ready or not. My child moved on needing to be changed and feed and cuddled and loved whether I was ready or not. In fact, the baby had no idea about my concerns because she had only just arrived and just needed me. And the best thing I could do was to be there no matter how my life changed because of her. And I have been there ever since through all the good times and the bad and I can speak from experience that I would not trade it for anything.

Even Jesus was flexible to change. Let us take a look at a familiar passage of Scripture, but in a different light.

I am sure most everyone has read this or heard this passage about Jesus’ first miracle before. However, I want to zero in on verse 4 for a moment. We read that when Jesus replies to his mother, he tells her that, “My hour has not yet come.” Jesus is saying that it is not yet time for him to perform a miracle. Another way of looking at this is that when Jesus and God the Father sat down and planned his life, it did not include a miracle at this wedding which is why his hour had not yet come. However, Mary did not respond directly to him but informed the servants to do whatever he said to do. Effectively trusting him to do something and as his mother expecting him to heed to her word. Jesus, you could say, was in a pickle. On the one hand, he had the plan of God that did not include a miracle at the wedding. On the other hand, he had the fourth commandment in which he must honor his mother which I would also point out all of his disciples gather around him would be aware of.

So, what did Jesus do? He performed a miracle because Jesus knew that God, while always the same and his Word is settled in heaven, changes his plan when people do things that cause his plan to be changed. Just look at what happened in Numbers 13 with the twelve spies who went to Canaan and gave a bad report causing God to punish them for forty years instead of taking them directly to the Promised Land.

Even Jesus changed and performed his first miracle at the wedding and honored his mother. Since Jesus is our example, we must also realize that there is a time when we must change. Jesus was steadfast and uncompromising when it came to the Word of God, but when it came to the plan of God he was more flexible because he understood that God, while never changing, does alter things to work into his plan our decisions. We can learn from Jesus and apply this to our marriages. We can be steadfast on the promises of God for our marriages to make us one and bless us, but be willing to be flexible when it comes to how the plan of things within our family will be walked out. If we do, I promise you that you will not only find it easier to work together to face any storm, but will find the blessings of God flowing greater into your family.

I hope this has helped you get a glimpse into the concept of change in a marriage and a life. Next time I am going to discuss the power of the three squeezes. By sure to be checking back for that message.

Love in Christ.

 

 

The Marriage Series (so far):

• Part 1 : Marriages – Introduction

• Part 2 : Marriages – Two Shall Become One Flesh

• Part 3 : Marriages – The Role of a Lifetime

• Part 4 : Marriages – The Authority of the Spouse

• Part 5 : Marriages – Hearing Do You Understand

• Part 6 : Marriages – Sex, Wait, That is in the Bible

• Part 7 : Marriages – The Addition of Children

• Part 8 : Marriages – Men Exude Security and Loyalty

• Part 9 : Marriages – Woman Radiate Adoration and Respect

Tags: alter, car, change, children, compromise, dating, decisions, flexible, jesus, life changing, marriage, Numbers, season, spouse

This entry was posted on Monday, October 5th, 2009 at 1:35 am and is filed under Insights, Marriages, Studies. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.