Continuing in the series on marriage, I want to talk about probably the most misunderstood and abused area of Scripture and that is the concept of the roles of each spouse within the marriage. This particular topic has caused more strife than just about any other single topic with the exception of money in a Christian marriage and the simple reason is because of not understanding what God meant and the enemy being quick to twist, lie and deceive. So, I am going to help to set the record straight on exactly what is expected of each and every role so that your marriage can operate within the will and blessings of God.

To begin with, let us look at the Scriptures that talk about the roles of the husband and the wife.

You will notice that I started quoting from verse 21 which states that we are to be subject to one another in the fear or reverence of Jesus Christ. I did that on purpose because it is very important to realize that the word subject, which also means to serve and to yield to one’s authority, is not a bad word but a good word and a word that can and does contain blessings. When we subject and submit to God and yield to his authority, we are blessed. It is not a bad thing and God does not lord it over us. This is important because God and Jesus is our model.

That brings me to the husband, which I am. God tells the husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church and also to love them as he loves himself. This is very important because with Jesus as our model and the head of the church, we should look to him to see how we are to love our wives. Jesus loved the church by serving the church. The perfect picture of this is when he washed the disciples feet at the last supper. They saw him as lord and didn’t understand what he was doing. Take a look:

Notice how Jesus washed their feet and then asked them if they understood what he was doing. He did this because they knew him as lord and master and having total authority over them. Whatever he would have asked of them, they would have done and did do after Pentecost when they each served him with their lives. But he tells them here that as he washed their feet, as he served them, that they should do the same and serve others. In other words, Jesus was telling them that the most important role of their lord and head of the church was to serve the church and not act as some high and mighty king even though that is what he deserved. And then he told them to do the same because a servant is not greater than his master and the one who is sent is not greater than the one who sent him. He also said that if you do this, that is to serve the church, you will be blessed.

This is the example of how Jesus was head of the church and how Jesus served the church. When God tells the husband to love his wife like Jesus loved the church, he is telling husbands to be a servant to his wife and see to her needs. He is telling the husband to provide for her and to make sure that he has never lorded over her his position as Jesus never lorded over anyone who he was. God even goes further to say that husbands should love their wives as they love their own self because people have a great love for themselves even if they don’t admit it. This is why, as the Bible points out, people eat and nourish and even cherish their own self and God says the husband should love his wife in the same way.

With this in mind and it is important to have this in mind, God tells the wife to be subject or submitting or serving to their husband. There is basically two things that God has as instruction for the wife that is rolled up in the concept of subjecting. The first is the same as the husband in that they are to serve the husband. The reason is because Jesus is their role model as well and they are called to serve just like the husband is. The main difference between a husband and a wife is that the wife is also called to yield to the husband’s authority. This one goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden and the fall of man when God told Eve, and all woman, that their husbands would rule over them.

In the Garden, God was the only head and there was no further need for a line of command, so to speak, because God came and walked with them in the cool of the day (Genesis 3:8). After the fall, God no longer walked that closely with mankind and we needed to have more structure because a two headed anything is a freak. So, God transferred his headship over everything to Jesus and then down to the husband over the family. This is why the wife is called to be subject or yielding to the husband’s authority. However, if the husband is acting like Jesus, as God called him to be, then this will not be a problem. Think about this for a moment. If the husband is loving on his wife and serving his wife in every aspect of their marriage would it not inspire the wife to want to serve the husband back? I believe so. And when it is time for a decision to be made, the husband, if he is wise, will seek the good counsel of his wife and they should talk about it. The difference will come in the end when God will hold the husband accountable for the decisions that are made.

My wife and I had a bit of a time learning this. I had read that the wife had to submit and I wanted her to submit by golly and she was not. The reason was because I was not serving her and loving her. I was lording over her what I thought was my God given right and I was very much in the wrong. So, my wife called our spiritual father, Tom, over to help explain what the truth was. I can remember what Tom said. I told him that the Bible says that my wife is to submit and she better submit. He told me that maybe I should read a little farther. When I did, he explained what God had in mind. Well, I did get the idea, but one fight some time later had us really mixing it up with words and I turned to her and said, “You are supposed to submit.” My wife is a quick as a whip and sharper than a sword and replied to me without hesitating, “Well, God says you are supposed to love me like Christ loved the church and Jesus died for the church so drop dead.” Well, that just got me laughing and totally broke our mood and we were eventually able to talk out our argument. But I can still remember her telling me that. Thank God for good wives.

Now, the most important thing to learn is that both spouses are to serve one another just like Jesus served the disciples and if you do that and do it with cheer and sincerity then there will be a great mutual love that will naturally flow between you that will be an outpouring of what God writes on your heart. Yes, the husband is the head of the household and God will hold him responsible for all decisions of the home. But any good leader will always take advantage of all good counsel available and what better counsel than that of his loving wife who as the Bible says is a crown (Proverbs 12:4) and a good thing (Proverbs 18:22). This is why good solid communications is the key to any good marriage. And when you are in this balance that God has defined then God richly blesses you.

I hope that this has helped to clear up what has been a stumbling block for many. Next time we will discuss the authority of the spouse to pray. Probably one of the most important topics of the series. So stay tuned.

Love in Christ.

 

 

The Marriage Series (so far):

• Part 1 : Marriages – Introduction

• Part 2 : Marriages – Two Shall Become One Flesh

Tags: eden, ephesians, feet, garden, god, husband, jesus, lifetime, marriage, role, rule, serve, subject, submit, wash, wife, yield

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 16th, 2009 at 12:30 am and is filed under Insights, Marriages, Studies. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.